While the song with the same title is soothing and charming, the dreams I’ve been having for the past 2 days have been anything but.
Sunday night I had a dream that I was on a road trip with some friends and my father. It was some forest reserve and we were inside a big SUV. We went to a waterfall to have a great time splashing about in the forest. This particular waterfall was supposedly located near my father’s hometown in Pahang.
Then it was about time to leave and we had to climb up as the car was located above the waterfall. We all climbed up safely and then for some reason which I can’t remember, my father walked towards the edge of the waterfall and fell off the cliff. We all rushed to the edge of the fall, peering down to see where he was.
I saw him at the bottom of the fall, so we rushed down again. Strange thing was, it was a pretty high fall, and although he was lifeless, the body looked perfectly alright (cant remember whether he died or just fainted lah). We quickly carried him up the trail and back to our SUV.
We proceeded to drive out of the jungle and were back on the trunk road when suddenly the car just died. We went out to check on the car, but we were unsure why it died off.
We then decided to walk off to look help, maybe finding the nearest place where we could make a phone call. Left my father’s unconscious / lifeless body in the car while we walked together.
While we were walking down the long stretch of road flanked by rubber plantations, my alarm rang. And I woke up, feeling dumbfounded. Strange thing was that throught that whole dream, I was checking myself to see if it was a dream. Playing at the falls felt so real, I could hear the water gush down. The jungle and rubber plantation sounded so alive. The only thing was my lack of feelings. I was devoid of emotion. I didn’t know if I was happy at the falls. Nor did I feel anything like worry, or sad when something happened to my father. It was like I was just a robot in this dream.
Its just weird cause I was so emotionally detached in this dream despite everything feeling so real.
***********
My second dream was a totally different experience. While it also felt very real, this was very emotional for me. Here, I was surfing on a few pages of my friends on FB when I noticed something they all had in common.
On their wall was a posting of my ex, who had started a photography business. She was doing really well and seemed happy with her success (I wasn’t in her friends list so I couldn’t see her profile). We have plenty of friends in common so I could see how well she was doing.
I was feeling very proud that she had managed to make her dream come true, knowing she was extremely into photography.
Next moment I was at the airport with another friend of mine and I could see posters of her at the airport, like some superstar photographer. Then at that moment I saw her in the departure hall. She talked to my friend (another common friend we had) when I left for the loo.
When I was approaching both of them, wanting to say hi and congratulate her, she saw that I was coming and bade my friend farewell. So I walked over and talked to my friend, wondering why she avoided me.
After sending my friend off, as I was walking back thru the terminal, I almost bumped into her. She saw me and quickly turned away, walking away from her group of friends that were waiting for her. I picked up my pace and walked right up beside her and said hi.
She looked around to see if any1 was looking and said hi. I said I was really happy for her achievements but wondered why she looked like she was avoiding me. She just mentioned to me coolly that she doesn’t any1 to see that we were together. I asked her if she was ashamed to be seen with me. She just kept quiet and told me that I should not ever tell any1 I know her. She wished me goodbye and farewell and quickly walked off to her group of friends. She then said goodbye to them and disappeared into the departure hall.
It was then I woke up in the middle of the night. It was about 4 something 5am. I just sat up stared at wall and wondered, where did it all go wrong? I’m also thinking what I have done that even I had to dream about it. I thought that I would have moved on by now, but apparently this dream still kind of affected me. I mean, I won’t deny we used to be together, no matter whether it ended well or not.
And even if I have moved on she still was part of what made me who I am today. For that I’m glad for the times we had. But still, this dream was bugging me the whole day. The fact that I must have been so terrible that she had to hide her past with me.
I’m actually more bothered about the fact that I must be really a terrible person that any1 doesn’t want to associate themselves with me. Not just her, but every1 else. Wasted my entire day thinking how that is possible. Do I have the “Ignorant American idol” syndrome? The syndrome where u think you are good because your friends and family tell you all the time you are good. But in reality, you totally suck and by the time you find out, its gonna be a real “malu” case for you.
Its strange that I used to be full of confidence about 3 years ago. Maybe up to the point of being obnoxiously confident about myself and my abilities. These few years’ experiences have not only humbled me, but to a certain extent, I’m not even confident of myself anymore. I second guess myself all the time. I have a lack of confidence. Maybe all these years of thinking how good of a person I am has failed me. And to realize that you are not good enough hurts. And I am now over-compensate. I’m bending my back ever since I started working. I’ve been doing lots of listening, trying to understand, help myself and help others. But still as of today, I don’t feel like king of the world.
Today, I feel like the guy who just realized he’s not king of the world, and staring up at the person on the winner’s podium.
Boodyboy, out!!
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Does sound sleep comes with a dream?
This is weird cause there are times when i decide to turn in early, 11pm so that i can have at least a 7 hours sleep. And its these times that i have weird dreams...
Yesterday night was another one. Decided to sleep early since the quarter final match between federer and ancic was delayed by rain. In this dream i dreamt i was rushing off to somewhere in the morning. Then i realised i left something in my office and hence i had to leave my house extra early to go to the office 1st. i reached the office at 6.30am. Styrangely, my office has now become a shoplot. And like most shoplots they have that metal shutter thing which they use to lock up the place evry night. So at 6.30 am, the shutters were only open halfway, so i had to duck to get in.
In the office, all the expat colleagues were already in there, seemingly busy with work. Me on the other hand, wandered around looking for my place. The office inside this shoplot is huge! well anyways, after wandering around for like 15 minutes i found the elevator to which i pushed the button to go down. Yes i worked 18 floors underground in this dream. the elevator stopped at the 5 or 6 floor underground when the door opened.
i stepped out and i was in a super huge cafeteria. it was the size of a warehouse or supermarket. so there i was wandering again, looking for my spot. then is aw this door, which i entered. This led me to a super duper huge toilet. there were rows and rows of toilets and showers. as i tried to walk to the end of this toilet, i noticed that the toilet lighting was quite dim. Then i could hear the sounds of the shower and it suddenly stopped. Then i can hear one of the doors creaking when its being slowly opened. Scared shit, i ran to the end of the toilet and realised theres no exit on that end. i ran around the toilet toget back to the door where i came in thru. The door was actually just the size of a toilet stall door. i opened the door and there i was, in the cafeteria again.
I walked around somemore and then bumped into my colleague who had just finished her meal. she suggested we go to the office together. So we walked to the elevator again and headed downwards. This time around the lift stopped at the 13th floor, 5 floors above my intended destination. the door opened and we both stepped out.
We were another huge toilet again. The lights were dim and flickering. Scared shit, again we waled aroiund looking for an exit. and again we heard the toilet water running then the sounds of someone turning off the tap. then the door creaked open, freaked out (again) we ran to the end of the toilet, and this time around, at the end of the toilet is this corridor, much like those we see in hotels. There we met a guy, who's dressed like he works in a hotel and we asked him for directions. He directed us to the elevator again and left. We walked towards the elevator and i pressed the down button again.
Then my phone rang. It was my alarm and i woke up. Now this seriously got me wondering. what the hell is going on in my mind when i sleep?!?!! I should be sleeping soundly but instead, i get shit freaky dreams. I know the huge toilet could probably mean that i'm yearning to join a gym (i've been looking around lately) but the office underground?
oh well, woke up with a stiff neck and now i cant hold my head up straight. sigh...
boodyboy, out!!!
Yesterday night was another one. Decided to sleep early since the quarter final match between federer and ancic was delayed by rain. In this dream i dreamt i was rushing off to somewhere in the morning. Then i realised i left something in my office and hence i had to leave my house extra early to go to the office 1st. i reached the office at 6.30am. Styrangely, my office has now become a shoplot. And like most shoplots they have that metal shutter thing which they use to lock up the place evry night. So at 6.30 am, the shutters were only open halfway, so i had to duck to get in.
In the office, all the expat colleagues were already in there, seemingly busy with work. Me on the other hand, wandered around looking for my place. The office inside this shoplot is huge! well anyways, after wandering around for like 15 minutes i found the elevator to which i pushed the button to go down. Yes i worked 18 floors underground in this dream. the elevator stopped at the 5 or 6 floor underground when the door opened.
i stepped out and i was in a super huge cafeteria. it was the size of a warehouse or supermarket. so there i was wandering again, looking for my spot. then is aw this door, which i entered. This led me to a super duper huge toilet. there were rows and rows of toilets and showers. as i tried to walk to the end of this toilet, i noticed that the toilet lighting was quite dim. Then i could hear the sounds of the shower and it suddenly stopped. Then i can hear one of the doors creaking when its being slowly opened. Scared shit, i ran to the end of the toilet and realised theres no exit on that end. i ran around the toilet toget back to the door where i came in thru. The door was actually just the size of a toilet stall door. i opened the door and there i was, in the cafeteria again.
I walked around somemore and then bumped into my colleague who had just finished her meal. she suggested we go to the office together. So we walked to the elevator again and headed downwards. This time around the lift stopped at the 13th floor, 5 floors above my intended destination. the door opened and we both stepped out.
We were another huge toilet again. The lights were dim and flickering. Scared shit, again we waled aroiund looking for an exit. and again we heard the toilet water running then the sounds of someone turning off the tap. then the door creaked open, freaked out (again) we ran to the end of the toilet, and this time around, at the end of the toilet is this corridor, much like those we see in hotels. There we met a guy, who's dressed like he works in a hotel and we asked him for directions. He directed us to the elevator again and left. We walked towards the elevator and i pressed the down button again.
Then my phone rang. It was my alarm and i woke up. Now this seriously got me wondering. what the hell is going on in my mind when i sleep?!?!! I should be sleeping soundly but instead, i get shit freaky dreams. I know the huge toilet could probably mean that i'm yearning to join a gym (i've been looking around lately) but the office underground?
oh well, woke up with a stiff neck and now i cant hold my head up straight. sigh...
boodyboy, out!!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
What a strange night
Sigh, just when i thought i could have a good night's sleep yesterday night, i didn't. I crashed at about 10pm so i can wake up for my Italy vs Holland match. That 4 hours was a good rest for me as i was damned tired. I caught the match which started at about 2.45am. Man, i was disappointed just like sunday when Roger Federer lost to Nadal in the French open final. This morning's match was just as disappointing because Italy lost 3-0. It wasn't a real thrashing, but the match was lost in the 1st half, when Italy wasn't just good enough. Maybe the Dutch are finally living up to their potential. Looking at the way they played last night, the could lose their nickname as the "best team in the world never to have won a title".
I went back to sleep at about 4.30. And just like the previous night i had this strange dream. This time around i was leaving my cousin's bungalow (same as the one last night) but this time around the bungalow was not as big like the 1 i dreamt yesterday, and the surroundings not as gloomy. this bungalow has a nice little garden in front of it and a small pond as well. In fact, it looks exactly like thier old house in Bangsar, come to think of it.
Ok, so i was leaving the place with my sis and mum when just as they stepped out of the front gate, i noticed 2 pairs of heels at the front of their door. THen 2 chinese girls (1 was slightly tanned; like those mixed chinese malay girls) came out of the house as well. They were both chatting and then one of them mentioned that they cant find their heels. So i walked up to them and pointed out where their heels were. They then thanked me and we walked out of the house. I don't know why but i was attracted to the girl of mixed parentage. And just as we were about to say goodbye, i asked her for her name. She said before she gave me her name she would like to inform me that she's not into a relationship because she's going overseas to further her studies. So i told her, whats wrong with being just friends? Not every guy who wants to be friends with a girl want to tackle her, i said (Which at this point wasn't true cause i was attracted to her).
And so we introduced each other (and of course being forgetful me, i almost immediately forgot her name, even in my dream!!). So i was stuck in an awkward situation, trying to frantically remember her name, while talking to her. Then both of them said they were busy and needed to leave. So the girl wrote her number on a piece of paper and asked me to call her. She asked if i was free on a weekend for dinner. so i said yes, and she said, just the two of us. And i said, sure, thats a great idea. Then i kept that piece of paper in my car and i drove back.
Thats when i woke up. Now here's the strange part: in my dream, i was already in a relationship. And yet although it was just an attraction to this girl, i still said yes to having dinner with her alone. And in that dream, i knew i had a date with my girlfriend on weekend, which i planned to cancel just to have dinner with this girls. And the strangest thing is that while all of this was going on, i can see my self from a 3rd person's perspective, and thinking to myself. What the hell was i thinking?!?!?
Well, now it got me thinking, maybe it doesnt mean a thing, but my dreams are strange. And i hardly dream, but for the past 3 nights i've been dreaming now. Gosh, i wished to have those dreamless nights again...
Boodyboy, out!!!
I went back to sleep at about 4.30. And just like the previous night i had this strange dream. This time around i was leaving my cousin's bungalow (same as the one last night) but this time around the bungalow was not as big like the 1 i dreamt yesterday, and the surroundings not as gloomy. this bungalow has a nice little garden in front of it and a small pond as well. In fact, it looks exactly like thier old house in Bangsar, come to think of it.
Ok, so i was leaving the place with my sis and mum when just as they stepped out of the front gate, i noticed 2 pairs of heels at the front of their door. THen 2 chinese girls (1 was slightly tanned; like those mixed chinese malay girls) came out of the house as well. They were both chatting and then one of them mentioned that they cant find their heels. So i walked up to them and pointed out where their heels were. They then thanked me and we walked out of the house. I don't know why but i was attracted to the girl of mixed parentage. And just as we were about to say goodbye, i asked her for her name. She said before she gave me her name she would like to inform me that she's not into a relationship because she's going overseas to further her studies. So i told her, whats wrong with being just friends? Not every guy who wants to be friends with a girl want to tackle her, i said (Which at this point wasn't true cause i was attracted to her).
And so we introduced each other (and of course being forgetful me, i almost immediately forgot her name, even in my dream!!). So i was stuck in an awkward situation, trying to frantically remember her name, while talking to her. Then both of them said they were busy and needed to leave. So the girl wrote her number on a piece of paper and asked me to call her. She asked if i was free on a weekend for dinner. so i said yes, and she said, just the two of us. And i said, sure, thats a great idea. Then i kept that piece of paper in my car and i drove back.
Thats when i woke up. Now here's the strange part: in my dream, i was already in a relationship. And yet although it was just an attraction to this girl, i still said yes to having dinner with her alone. And in that dream, i knew i had a date with my girlfriend on weekend, which i planned to cancel just to have dinner with this girls. And the strangest thing is that while all of this was going on, i can see my self from a 3rd person's perspective, and thinking to myself. What the hell was i thinking?!?!?
Well, now it got me thinking, maybe it doesnt mean a thing, but my dreams are strange. And i hardly dream, but for the past 3 nights i've been dreaming now. Gosh, i wished to have those dreamless nights again...
Boodyboy, out!!!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Strange dreamZzz....or is it nightmare?
A very good Monday to all of you. Hope its the beginning of a great week for all of us despite this Friday being the 13th day of the month.
Anyways, back to the title of my blog, i've had very strange dreams for the past 2 nights. On saturday night, i dreamt that i was out eating with my colleagues (i only remember 2 of them here, KNO and FE, strangely) at a coffeeshop. i went to order a "mun yee mee" dish from a hawker and then i waited for my food. Soon, all my colleagues finished their food 1 by 1. Wondering if the guy had forgotten my order, i went over to the stall and was surprised to find it closed. Scratching my head, i turned away and then the stall owner shows up and offers to fry the plate of noodles for me. I declined his offer and decided to look for other foods. I walked past a stall selling Wanton Noodles and i ordered it dry with roast pork. Just when i was about to settle back into my seat, I woke up. Damn! never got a chance to eat my roast pork.
It got me wondering why i had this dream. Maybve because during my cousin wedding ceremony, i didnt get to eat the roast pork that was served because it ran out very fast. Yes, that could be the reason. There was too many people and there wasn't enough roast pork to go around. By the time i got to it, there was nothing left. Well anyway, that sunday morning, or shall i say afternoon, we decided to have wanton noodle swith roast pork at my place after i told my mother about my dream. Haha! i'm sure that beats dreaming about eating it ;-p.
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Dream #1
The dream i had last night was also strange, in my 1st dream, i dreamt that somebody wanted to steal my laptop. i chased that "barger" down and got a hold of him. I dont remember how he/she looks like, hell, i cant even remember if its a male or female. But in this case let me assume he's a guy. This guy then turned around and stabbed be with a chopstick or ice-pick or something like that. He stabbed me twice, once in the gut and the 2nd time on my chest. Surprisingly, i did not die lah... i took that thing and stabbed him back, to which then he died. I then felt a bit of pain (maybe a rush of adrenaline keeping the pain away?) but then i staggered for help. Then i woke up from my dream in the middle of the night.
Dream #2
Then in my second dream, i dreamt i went to visit a friend's house. I dont remember who this friend is no face and name at all. But i went to her house to ask for some money (OMG, this is trange, me being so broke that i actually have to ask for money. I borrowed this friend money and so i decided to ask her to return it to me. She then laughed at me and mocked me. Then she said to me,"who ask you so stupid lend me in the 1st place?!?!?" then i told her that i borrowed her the cash in good faith and now she is not keeping up to her promise of repaying me. Her boufriend, which was standing beside me then laughed at me saying that i was stupid to believe people so easily. I was shocked at their behaviour. What happened next i dont knwo cause i woke up for a second time last night. Dammit!! The dreams are not helping me sleep better.
Dream #3
Then in my third dream, my cousin invited me and my sis over to his house. when we enetered into his super huge house, we followed him as he gave us a tour. Then after a while we lost sight of him. We kept onw alking round and round looking for him, and passing several rooms over and over again. then after walking for another half an hour, we finally found him on the second floor living room. Then he told us that since it was late, we should put up a night in his place. so he lud us to a room, with 2 huge super king sized beds. We then went back to the living room aain to chat with him while watching tv. ZAfter that we went to our room to sleep, just as i was about to sleep, i jumped out of the bed.
****************
My alarm clock rang, its was already 5.55am. Damn, i felt just as tired as before i slept. I snoozed it hoping to get a few more minutes of rest but it wasn't of much help already.
Now here i am, sitting, and wondering what the dreams meant. Does it spell bad times for me? or is it a sign that there are worse things happening to my personal life soon? Or am i feeling insecure? Any1 care to give me their feedback?
I just hope that i'll get better rest from tonight onwards.
Boodyboy, out!!!
Anyways, back to the title of my blog, i've had very strange dreams for the past 2 nights. On saturday night, i dreamt that i was out eating with my colleagues (i only remember 2 of them here, KNO and FE, strangely) at a coffeeshop. i went to order a "mun yee mee" dish from a hawker and then i waited for my food. Soon, all my colleagues finished their food 1 by 1. Wondering if the guy had forgotten my order, i went over to the stall and was surprised to find it closed. Scratching my head, i turned away and then the stall owner shows up and offers to fry the plate of noodles for me. I declined his offer and decided to look for other foods. I walked past a stall selling Wanton Noodles and i ordered it dry with roast pork. Just when i was about to settle back into my seat, I woke up. Damn! never got a chance to eat my roast pork.
It got me wondering why i had this dream. Maybve because during my cousin wedding ceremony, i didnt get to eat the roast pork that was served because it ran out very fast. Yes, that could be the reason. There was too many people and there wasn't enough roast pork to go around. By the time i got to it, there was nothing left. Well anyway, that sunday morning, or shall i say afternoon, we decided to have wanton noodle swith roast pork at my place after i told my mother about my dream. Haha! i'm sure that beats dreaming about eating it ;-p.
******************
Dream #1
The dream i had last night was also strange, in my 1st dream, i dreamt that somebody wanted to steal my laptop. i chased that "barger" down and got a hold of him. I dont remember how he/she looks like, hell, i cant even remember if its a male or female. But in this case let me assume he's a guy. This guy then turned around and stabbed be with a chopstick or ice-pick or something like that. He stabbed me twice, once in the gut and the 2nd time on my chest. Surprisingly, i did not die lah... i took that thing and stabbed him back, to which then he died. I then felt a bit of pain (maybe a rush of adrenaline keeping the pain away?) but then i staggered for help. Then i woke up from my dream in the middle of the night.
Dream #2
Then in my second dream, i dreamt i went to visit a friend's house. I dont remember who this friend is no face and name at all. But i went to her house to ask for some money (OMG, this is trange, me being so broke that i actually have to ask for money. I borrowed this friend money and so i decided to ask her to return it to me. She then laughed at me and mocked me. Then she said to me,"who ask you so stupid lend me in the 1st place?!?!?" then i told her that i borrowed her the cash in good faith and now she is not keeping up to her promise of repaying me. Her boufriend, which was standing beside me then laughed at me saying that i was stupid to believe people so easily. I was shocked at their behaviour. What happened next i dont knwo cause i woke up for a second time last night. Dammit!! The dreams are not helping me sleep better.
Dream #3
Then in my third dream, my cousin invited me and my sis over to his house. when we enetered into his super huge house, we followed him as he gave us a tour. Then after a while we lost sight of him. We kept onw alking round and round looking for him, and passing several rooms over and over again. then after walking for another half an hour, we finally found him on the second floor living room. Then he told us that since it was late, we should put up a night in his place. so he lud us to a room, with 2 huge super king sized beds. We then went back to the living room aain to chat with him while watching tv. ZAfter that we went to our room to sleep, just as i was about to sleep, i jumped out of the bed.
****************
My alarm clock rang, its was already 5.55am. Damn, i felt just as tired as before i slept. I snoozed it hoping to get a few more minutes of rest but it wasn't of much help already.
Now here i am, sitting, and wondering what the dreams meant. Does it spell bad times for me? or is it a sign that there are worse things happening to my personal life soon? Or am i feeling insecure? Any1 care to give me their feedback?
I just hope that i'll get better rest from tonight onwards.
Boodyboy, out!!!
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