Thoughts of these began to crop up the day after my accident.
Thoughts that led me to think, is this my year? Maybe not based on the event leading to the accident.
But the days after it, especially Sunday, made me wonder. What the hell is wrong with me?? I feel like I'm stuck at a crossroad even though decisions have been made which i felt were in the best of my interests.
But these few day, I've felt like I behaved in a way thats been wayward. Sometimes behaving in the wrong manner. Which leads me to believe that I don't know what I want anymore. At this point in life, I see my finish line, but I don't know if the path I'm currently at leads me to the desired finish line.
Of course we never do get things the way we want it or the way we expect to get it. Maybe I thought life would make it easier for me, in certain aspects at least. But I'm not giving up. I'll continue to work hard in all aspects of my life at this point in time.
I just wish there is a sign to say I'm going the right direction... Please show me a sign!
Maybe, just maybe, when i was younger, I didnt need signs. The world is my oyster. I just barged my way through to announce my arrival. But today, 4 years on, I dont know. And I'm worried.
What am I worried about?
I'm worried I'm not where I am supposed to be today. I worry that I may fail. I worry I may disappoint the people around me. I worry that I'm not good enough for the people around me. Worry I dont live up to my own expectations.
Worry. Expectations. Decisions. Insecurity.
Boodyboy, out!!
4 comments:
Could it be that the absence of a comfortable work-life balance has caused a general dissatisfaction with life, with self, that has perhaps been perceived as a lack of direction/confusion to give you justifiable reason to seek a new direction that may be your route of escape from your current discomforts?
well, yes that has to be always the case. If i'm really happy where i am at the moment, i certainly wouldnt be worried or be dissatisfied with how i live my life.
good times dont last forever and nothing comes easy, no matter how much you want it.
btw, dear Mr/ms anonymous, care to reveal yourself?
there're many things/people in life worth loving, few worth fighting for, and fewer worth dying for. i'm sure u will choose wisely.
'nothing comes easy' is perhaps too general a statement. if u pay attention to life, i believe u'd come to see that there are many good things that has come easily and uncalled for.
oh, i delight in anonymity when life permits. allow me, will you, if not, just amuse me?
anonymity respected ;-)
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